Siblings of Autistic Individuals

In the Shadows of Transitions: Siblings of Autistic Individuals

Navigating Life’s Shifts and Hidden Responsibilities: The Quiet Strength of Siblings in Neurodiverse Families

When we talk about transitions in families with autism, the focus is most often on the individual with the diagnosis, their developmental milestones, their schooling, their move into adulthood. Parents, too, are sometimes included in the conversation, particularly around advocacy, caregiving, and the “services cliff” that so many face. But there’s another story unfolding quietly in the background: the transitions experienced by their siblings.

Siblings grow up alongside autism, and their journey is shaped by it in profound ways. Even when they are younger than their autistic brother or sister, siblings often become co-navigators of change, moving through family life in ways that differ markedly from peers in families where all siblings are neurotypical.

As a solo parent, I see this in my own home every day. My 20-year-old stepdaughter is learning the skills she needs to prepare for adulthood. Meanwhile, my 10-year-old son is growing up in the same household, absorbing what it means to be the younger sibling of someone whose path looks very different from his own. His transitions are quieter, less obvious, but no less real.

Siblings as Co-Navigators of Transition

In our lab, we often describe transitions as shifts in roles, identities, and expectations that ripple across family life. Siblings embody this concept vividly. From a young age, they adapt to therapy schedules, school meetings, and routines structured around the needs of their brother or sister. They often learn to be flexible, to wait, and to adjust expectations about outings or activities.

Research has shown that siblings of autistic individuals often carry unique emotional, social, and developmental burdens (Shivers et al., 2019; Schmeer et al., 2021; Cervellione et al., 2025). These can bring growth, empathy, maturity, and patience, but they can also create hidden challenges that deserve recognition (Perlman and Howe, 2020).

Key Transitions for Siblings

Early Awareness and Identity From a young age, siblings notice that their family dynamic is different from that of their peers. My son is already aware that his sister struggles with things his friends find easy. This awareness shapes his sense of self, sometimes fostering pride and protectiveness, other times raising questions he cannot yet fully put into words.

Unequal Parental Attention The work of advocacy, meetings, paperwork, reminders, follow-ups, demands so much of a parent’s time. For siblings, this can feel like lost moments of play, shared adventures, or simple one-on-one time. While I help my stepdaughter navigate adulthood, my son’s childhood is happening right now, and I sometimes grieve what is lost in the process.

Transitions into Responsibility Even in small ways, siblings begin to take on caretaker roles (Nutall et al., 2018). My son will step in with a reminder or an explanation when his sister struggles in a social moment. What starts as occasional prompts in childhood often grows into heavier responsibilities later, requiring siblings to balance support with their own independence (Angell et al., 2012).

Social Transitions and Peer Relationships As siblings grow, differences at home become harder to explain to friends. Research shows that some siblings hide aspects of their family life or feel compelled to defend their autistic sibling when peers don’t understand (Cervellione et al., 2025). Navigating this social world is its own transition, one that often remains invisible to adults.

Future-Oriented Transitions Perhaps the most daunting: the awareness that one day, they may step into advocacy themselves (Calleja and Agius, 2025). Parents shoulder the weight now, but siblings quietly live with the question of “what happens when I’m older?” My son has not voiced this yet, but I know that one day, these questions will come. And they will be heavy.

The Emotional Landscape

The sibling experience is complex. Many describe feeling pride and protectiveness toward their autistic brother or sister (Schmeer et al., 2021). Some even credit these experiences with fostering empathy and resilience (Stalker and Connors, 2004; Bayat, 2007; Angell et al., 2012). Yet these transitions also carry emotional costs.

Siblings may feel overlooked, guilty for wanting things to be “easier,” or even resentful of the time and energy that autism demands from parents. These feelings are often kept quiet, because siblings recognize the weight their parents already carry. This silence can add to their stress, leaving them to process difficult emotions largely on their own (Nuttall et al., 2018).

The Solo Parent Context

For families with a single parent, these dynamics are even more pronounced. As a solo parent myself, I see this daily. Time spent advocating for my stepdaughter with autism, or helping her develop independence, can sometimes come at the expense of lighthearted family moments with my son. I know he notices.

In such contexts, siblings often transition into roles that blur the line between child and helper. They may become unusually self-reliant, what researchers refer to as ‘parentification.’ This phenomenon is well-documented in families with autistic children, where typically developing siblings often assume caregiving roles during childhood, which may influence their long-term expectations about caregiving (Nuttall et al., 2018).  The intention is never to place this weight on them, but the reality of limited time, energy, and support means it happens.

Everyday Transitions Unique to Siblings

For siblings, transitions aren’t just the major life changes we often discuss in research. They happen in small, everyday ways:

• Outings and birthdays that look different than those of peers.

• Vacations that require careful planning and sometimes compromise.

• Daily routines that hinge on managing another’s needs.

• Household responsibilities shifting earlier than expected, such as helping with chores or caregiving.

• Flexibility in hobbies or extracurriculars where siblings may adjust or give up activities if scheduling or sensory challenges make participation hard for the family.

• Friendships at home as siblings may hesitate to invite friends over if they worry about misunderstandings or stigma.

• Parental attention being distributed differently, sometimes leading to siblings feeling protective, overlooked, or more independent.

• Future orientation as siblings may think about adulthood differently, knowing their brother or sister may always need support.

  
  

Even these seemingly small adjustments accumulate, shaping how siblings view themselves, their family, and their place in the world.

Long-Term Consequences and Growth

Research suggests that these early transitions can cut both ways. Some siblings carry forward an extraordinary sense of empathy, problem-solving skills, and advocacy (Perlman and Howe, 2020; Schmeer et al., 2021). At the same time, siblings may also encounter challenges such as feeling overlooked within the family or struggling with complex emotions related to their brother or sister’s needs (Watson et al., 2021).

Like autism itself, the sibling journey resists a single narrative. It is as varied as the families themselves. But what is consistent is that siblings are active participants in transitions…whether or not they are recognized as such.

Supporting Siblings Through Transitions

So how can we support siblings? Part of the answer lies in recognition; acknowledging openly that siblings are undergoing transitions of their own. Small but intentional actions, like creating dedicated one-on-one rituals with siblings, offering safe spaces for them to voice frustrations, and involving them in family planning in empowering ways, can help.

At a systems level, we need more sibling-focused resources. While parents and autistic individuals often receive structured support, siblings are rarely considered. Programs that validate their experiences and provide tools to process their emotions are long overdue.

Closing Reflection

Siblings of autistic individuals are not just bystanders. They are co-travelers in the journey of autism, moving through their own silent transitions, learning, adapting, and growing in ways that often go unseen.

Their transitions matter too.

 -- Anne TM Konkle, PhD

References

Angell ME., Meadan H., Stoner JB. Experiences of Siblings of Individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorders.  Autism Research and Treatment.  2012, 11 pages. doi:10.1155/2012/949586

Bayat M. Evidence of resilience in families of children with autism. Journal of Intellectual Disability Research. 2007 Sep;51(Pt 9):702-14. doi: 10.1111/j.1365-2788.2007.00960.x. PMID: 17845239.

Calleja C, Agius M-R. Living with a Sibling who is on the Autism Spectrum: The Siblings’ Perspective. British Journal of Healthcare and Medical Research.  2025; 12(02): 213-228. DOI:10.14738/bjhr.1202.18469.

Cervellione B, Iacolino C, Bottari A, Vona C, Leuzzi M, Presti G. Functioning of Neurotypical Siblings of Individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder: A Systematic Review. Psychiatry International. 2025; 6(2):52. https://doi.org/10.3390/psychiatryint6020052

Nuttall AK, Coberly B, Diesel SJ. Childhood Caregiving Roles, Perceptions of Benefits, and Future Caregiving Intentions Among Typically Developing Adult Siblings of Individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders. 2018 Apr;48(4):1199-1209. doi: 10.1007/s10803-018-3464-6.

Perlman J, Howe N. The Psychosocial Effects of Having a Sibling with Autism Spectrum Disorder.  Exceptionality Education International. 2020; 30(3): 82–101.  DOI: 10.5206/eei.v30i3.13443

Schmeer A, Harris VW, Forthun L, Valcante G, Visconti B. Through the eyes of a child: Sibling perspectives on having a sibling diagnosed with autism. Research in Developmental Disabilities. 2021 Dec;119:104066. doi: 10.1016/j.ridd.2021.104066. Epub 2021 Oct 19.

Shivers CM, Jackson JB, McGregor CM. Functioning Among Typically Developing Siblings of Individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder: A Meta-Analysis. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Rev. 2019 Jun;22(2):172-196. doi: 10.1007/s10567-018-0269-2.

Stalker K., Connors C. Children’s perceptions of their disabled siblings: ‘She’s different but it’s normal for Us’.  Children and Society, 2004; 18 (3): 218–230. https://doi.org/10.1002/chi.794 

Watson L, Hanna P, Jones CJ. A systematic review of the experience of being a sibling of a child with an autism spectrum disorder. Clinical Child Psychology and Psychiatry. 2021 Jul;26(3):734-749. doi: 10.1177/13591045211007921. Epub 2021 Apr 7.