Postpartum Mental Health P5

Series: Beyond the Baby Blues: A Postpartum Mental Health Series

Intro to series:

At BESST Transitions, we explore the turning points that shape health and wellbeing. Few transitions are as profound as the shift into parenthood.  This post is part of Beyond the Baby Blues: A Postpartum Mental Health Series, which explores the emotional realities of the “fourth trimester.” This is a time of immense physical, emotional, and social change. In this series on postpartum mental health, we’ll follow this journey through its many layers: from the early adjustment beyond the baby blues, to the realities of anxiety and depression, to strategies for support and advocacy. Each post is an invitation to recognize the challenges of this transition, and to imagine more supportive pathways forward. Two other series will follow.  These will explore postpartum mental health across the lifespan and postpartum mental health in marginalized communities.

Posts in this Series:

1. Postpartum Mental Health: Beyond the Baby Blues

2. Postpartum Anxiety: The Silent Partner of New Motherhood

3. Postpartum Depression: Understanding the Shadows Beyond the Smile

4. Partners & Family: The Ripple Effects of Postpartum Mental Health

5. Self-Care and Coping Strategies for New Parents

6. Navigating Professional Support: From Pregnancy to Postpartum as a First-Time Parent

7. From Advocacy to Action: Canada Joins the Global Push for Perinatal Mental Health

Self-Care and Coping Strategies for New Parents

Real-World Self-Care in the Postpartum Period

There’s no shortage of advice for new parents. Scroll through Pinterest or Instagram and you’ll find endless checklists for postpartum self-care; take a bath, nap when the baby naps, meal prep on Sundays, meditate, journal, and drink enough water. It’s well-intentioned, but sometimes these suggestions feel like a fantasy: lovely in theory, impossible in practice.

For many parents, especially those who are sleep-deprived, recovering physically, and navigating the emotional intensity of caring for a newborn, even a shower can feel like an accomplishment. So, let’s talk about what postpartum self-care really looks like, the real, lived kind, not the polished version that social media would have us believe.

Setting Yourself Up with Compassion

Self-care can begin before the baby even comes home. If possible, think practically about what will make life easier later, and what “good enough” looks like for your family.

• Stock your freezer with simple, reheatable meals or cooked proteins. (In my case, my husband roasted something each week, so I’d have protein for lunches, an act of love I fully appreciated.)

• Simplify your home setup: create a diaper station on each floor, keep snacks where you nurse, and accept that “clean enough” is sometimes the new tidy.

• Delegate before you need to. Make a list of people who’ve said “let me know if you need anything” and let them know.

• Plan for rest, not perfection. Babies don’t care about themed nurseries or Instagram-worthy moments. They need you present, fed, and calm enough to respond.

  
  

Sometimes self-care means preparing to lower the bar.

The Essentials, Revisited: Sleep, Nutrition, and Movement

These three — sleep, nutrition, and movement — are often described as the pillars of postpartum recovery. They’re essential, yes, but how we approach them matters just as much as the habits themselves.

Sleep

“Sleep when the baby sleeps” sounds lovely, until you realize that’s also the only time you can eat, shower, or maybe stare at the wall for a few minutes of silence. Rather than striving for perfect sleep, it may be more helpful to think about rest in small, realistic doses. Ten quiet minutes with your eyes closed counts. So does asking your partner to handle one feed or letting the dishes sit overnight.

Nutrition

I took such great care with my nutrition during pregnancy. My husband cooked roasts every week, so I’d have protein for lunches, I felt so supported. But after the baby came, I was constantly hungry from breastfeeding and too tired to make elaborate meals. I still remember one evening when my husband grilled pork chops. They were delicious. Halfway through eating, the baby needed nursing, so I went to our room for some calm. When I came back, my plate was gone. Cleared. I cried for that pork chop…partly from hunger, partly from the raw emotion of those early days. Looking back, I can laugh, but in that moment, I was simply spent.

It’s funny now, but in the moment, it mattered. My body was crying out for fuel.

Postpartum hunger is real. Breastfeeding parents need extra calories, hydration, and steady meals with protein, iron, and complex carbs. Skipping these leads to low energy and emotional dips. Nutritional needs during lactation are higher, and deficiencies can affect mood and stamina (Madeghe et al., 2021; Butte, 2024).

Sometimes nutrition isn’t about meal plans or “superfoods.” It’s about having someone reheat leftovers or remembering to grab a handful of nuts between feeds. That’s care, too.

Movement

When my son was little, walks were my lifeline. I’d strap him into the Tula and head out, rain, shine, or snow. He’d fall asleep against me, and I’d breathe again. Movement doesn’t have to mean structured exercise; it can be a slow stroller walk, gentle stretching, or dancing around the living room.

In a previous post, I shared how joining a baby dance class helped ease some of the anxiety I experienced postpartum. It brought movement, fun, and connection, time spent with my baby, but also with other parents who understood the unique blend of exhaustion and joy that defined those early months. (See: Postpartum Mental Health P2 Postpartum Anxiety: The Silent Partner of New Motherhood)

The key is to find ways to reconnect with your body without pressure or expectation. Studies confirm that rest, nourishment, and social support help reduce postpartum distress (Dennis & Letourneau, 2007; Giallo et al., 2011).

Even with the basics of rest, nutrition, and movement in place, many parents still find themselves struggling under the invisible weight of perfection.

Acknowledging Privilege and Unequal Support

Before anything else, it’s important to acknowledge privilege. Not everyone has a partner who shares duties, a nearby grandparent willing to help, or the time and resources to focus on their own wellbeing. For some, the idea of a “village” is aspirational, not attainable.

Recognizing this context matters. The intention here isn’t to idealize what’s possible, but to humanize the range of experiences, to remind parents that even imagining self-care is a luxury for some, and that needing help doesn’t mean you’re failing.

Letting Go of Perfection

Perfectionism can be a sneaky saboteur in the postpartum period. Lower the bar. Laundry can wait. You are not behind. Yet, many new mothers, especially those who became parents later in life or who are used to managing things independently, struggle with the idea of asking for help. 

In many Western contexts, self-sufficiency is held up as the ultimate marker of success, a quiet but persistent message that needing help means falling short. Yet parenting was never meant to be a solo act. Across much of the world, care is communal: aunties, cousins, and neighbours step in to cook, hold the baby, and nurture the parents. In contrast, Western ideals of independence often leave families isolated, even when help is nearby. Cross-cultural research shows that communal caregiving reduces maternal stress, while individualistic expectations can heighten it (Falzarano et al., 2021; Falzarano et al., 2022).

If you have other children at home, this balance can feel especially delicate. You may worry about not giving them enough of you. But sometimes, five minutes of undivided attention such as in reading a short story, building a quick Lego tower, or just snuggling together, can go a long way. What matters most isn’t the length of time, but the quality of presence.

Letting go of perfection doesn’t mean lowering your standards; it means acknowledging that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Asking for help is not weakness, it’s wisdom. The desire to be completely self-sufficient can make it harder to accept the idea of a village, but receiving help does not diminish your competence, it enhances your capacity.

And perhaps there’s something about perfection here, too. The pursuit of flawless parenting, organic baby food, homemade everything, every milestone “on schedule”, often stems from a longing to do things “right.” But the truth? Perfection isn’t the goal; connection is. Your baby needs a responsive, loving caregiver, not a flawless one. Idealized images of motherhood increase stress and depressive symptoms (Humphreys et al., 2018; La Rosa et al., 2025).

Letting go of perfection is an act of resistance, against unrealistic ideals, against guilt, and against the cultural narratives that tell parents they must do it all alone. 

Staying Connected: Finding Your People

In the early months, connection can feel hard to come by. Adult conversation becomes scarce, and your world shrinks to feeding, changing, and rocking. This is where connection, even digital, can make a difference.

I was once part of a Facebook group for a particular brand of cloth diapers. We were there to buy and sell, but over time, it became a community of mothers sharing advice, frustrations, and late-night encouragement. It wasn’t an official “support group,” but it offered exactly that…support.

Whether it’s a group of like-minded parents, a neighborhood stroller walk, or just a few trusted friends you can message at 2 a.m., connection matters. Studies consistently show that social support can reduce symptoms of postpartum depression and anxiety, it’s not just emotional, it’s protective (Negron et al., 2013; Feinberg et al., 2022; White et al., 2023).

Look, too, for local Mommy & Me or Parent & Baby activities, sometimes called “Momme and Me” time. Municipal libraries, community centres, and pools often offer these programs, and they can be wonderful opportunities to bond, move, and meet others. These groups might be advertised online, but perhaps physicians’ offices could also keep flyers available, small, visible reminders that help and connection exist just around the corner.

The point isn’t where you connect, but that you do. Social support, even digital, has been shown to reduce postpartum depression and increase confidence in caregiving.  Social connection, even in online communities, can help protect against isolation and postpartum mood disorders (Shorey et al, 2019).

Checking In: With Your Yourself, Your Partner and Your Village

First, check in with yourself: Ask, How am I doing today? What do I need right now?

If you’re parenting with a partner, the relationship between you is part of the family’s foundation. After the baby arrives, that connection can easily get lost in the blur of sleepless nights and divided attention.

Try to check in with each other, really check in, about how you’re each doing, not just about the baby. A simple “How are you holding up today?” can go a long way. Sometimes it’s not about solving anything, but about being seen.

If grandparents or friends are involved, include them meaningfully. Their presence can be both practical and emotionally sustaining, and often, they benefit too. Caring for a grandchild can give older adults a sense of purpose and continuity. Even if their ways differ from yours, remember, they raised you. A little flexibility can go a long way.

Reframing Self-Care

Maybe self-care, in this context, isn’t about bubble baths or weekend getaways. Maybe it’s about finding small ways to feel human again, a warm meal, a short walk, a message from a friend, a shared laugh with your partner.

I was fortunate to have those things, the meal, the laughter, the steady stream of messages from friends, and yet, even with all that support, something still felt missing. 

I remember getting my hair coloured again a few months after giving birth, my first real “outing” for me. My hairdresser had become a friend, so conversation flowed easily. For a couple of hours, I wasn’t just “Maman”, I was me. Sitting in that chair, chatting, sipping tea, I felt something I hadn’t in months: a sense of self returning.

That, too, is self-care.

It’s about creating tiny moments of rest and connection in a season that demands everything of you.

When to Reach Out for Professional Support

Even with all the right habits and support, postpartum emotions can be unpredictable. If you feel persistently sad, detached, anxious, or overwhelmed, reach out to your healthcare provider, a therapist, or a postpartum support line.

This doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re human.

For more on recognizing when to seek professional help, see the next post in this series: Navigating Professional Support: From Pregnancy to Postpartum as a First-Time Parent.

In the End…You Are Enough

Self-care isn’t about luxury; it’s about sustainability. It’s not about doing more; it’s about doing what matters…surviving, adapting, and slowly finding your rhythm.

Sometimes that’s a walk in the sun with your baby nestled against you. Sometimes it’s a cry over a missing pork chop. Sometimes it’s saying yes to a neighbour’s casserole or no to another commitment.

If your “village” looks imperfect, or if your self-care is a nap, a sandwich, or a five-minute shower, that’s enough. Parenthood isn’t a test of perfection or endurance. It’s a practice of presence…messy, hungry, beautiful, and real.

You are doing enough.

You are enough.

-- Anne TM Konkle, PhD

References

Butte, N. F. (2024, January 30). Health and nutrition during breastfeeding (Beyond the Basics). UpToDate. Consulted October 22, 2025.  https://www.uptodate.com/contents/health-and-nutrition-during-breastfeeding-beyond-the-basics/print#:~:text=If%20you%20are%20breastfeeding%2C%20your,of%20weight%20gained%20during%20pregnancy.

Dennis CL, Letourneau N. Global and relationship-specific perceptions of support and the development of postpartum depressive symptomatology. Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology. 2007 May;42(5):389-95. doi: 10.1007/s00127-007-0172-5. Epub 2007 Mar 29.

Falzarano F, Moxley J, Pillemer K, Czaja S. Cross-Cultural Differences in Caregiving: Investigating the Role of Familism and Social Support. Innovation in Aging. 2021 Dec 17;5(Suppl 1):320. doi: 10.1093/geroni/igab046.1249.

Falzarano F, Moxley J, Pillemer K, Czaja SJ. Family Matters: Cross-Cultural Differences in Familism and Caregiving Outcomes. The Journals of Gerontology: Series B Psychological Sciences and Social Sciences. 2022 Jul 5;77(7):1269-1279. doi: 10.1093/geronb/gbab160.

Feinberg E, Declercq E, Lee A, Belanoff C. The Relationship between Social Support and Postnatal Anxiety and Depression: Results from the Listening to Mothers in California Survey. Womens Health Issues. 2022 May-Jun;32(3):251-260. doi: 10.1016/j.whi.2022.01.005. Epub 2022 Mar 1.

Giallo R, Rose N, and Vittorino R. Fatigue, wellbeing and parenting in mothers of infants and toddlers with sleep problems. Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology. 2022, 29(3): 236–249. https://doi.org/10.1080/02646838.2011.593030

Humphreys KL, King LS, Choi P, Gotlib IH. Maternal depressive symptoms, self-focus, and caregiving behavior. Journal of Affective Disorders. 2018 Oct 1;238:465-471. doi: 10.1016/j.jad.2018.05.072. Epub 2018 Jun 8.

La Rosa VL, Alparone D, Commodari E. Psychological and social factors influencing mother-child bonding in the first year after birth: a model for promoting infant and maternal well-being. Frontiers in Psychology. 2025 Apr 30;16:1588433. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2025.1588433.

Madeghe BA, Kogi-Makau W, Ngala S, and Kumar M. Nutritional Deficiencies and Maternal Depression: Associations and Interventions in Lower and Middle-Income Countries: a Systematic Review of Literature. Global Social Welfare. 2022, 9:11–25. doi.org/10.1007/s40609-020-00199-9

Shorey S, Chee CYI, Ng ED, Lau Y, Dennis CL, Chan YH. Evaluation of a Technology-Based Peer-Support Intervention Program for Preventing Postnatal Depression (Part 1): Randomized Controlled Trial. Journal of Medical Internet Research. 2019 Aug 29;21(8):e12410. doi: 10.2196/12410.

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